Furry little problem
by Djibrilaa
Summary: Remus had always felt like a monster, hiding his deepest secret as hard as he could, because one mistake could make his whole world crumble into pieces, and let's face it. Who would ever want to be friend with a werewolf if they knew the truth?


_**The secret side of me, I never let you see. I keep it caged but I can't control it.**_

-Are those new scars? Asked an eleven-years-old Sirius, as he was trying to pull away Remus's collar to see the fresh new scar that had appeared on Remus' neck. It was a large one this time, starting on his cheek, blood still pearling but he hadn't covered it with a bandage this time.

-It's nothing; I'm fine. Remus replied briskly, pulling himself away from Sirius's grasp, as an unconvinced James was peering at his bandaged hand. -It looks worst than it really is. He adds, trying to sound like if it was nothing at all. -I just... tripped over when I arrived home, I'm not a big fan of the Floo Powder.

-Yeah, Floo Powder is a crazy thing. Peter said, shaking his head. -I mean, once I had to go to my grand-mom and it expelled me so hard I flew through the glass window. He said, shrugging his shoulders.

-Yeah. Said Remus, uncomfortably scratching his nose, feeling cold sweat running on his neck as he was trying to ignore the disbelieving looks on Sirius and James' faces as they were waiting for him to say something else, waiting for him to say something more convincing.

But he had nothing else to say, what could he ever say to them? Remus thought painfully. How could he ever tell them about _that,_ let them know what he really was inside? He couldn't, he didn't want to tell them, they were nice, they were his friends, would they still be after learning the truth? How could they ever continue to stay and care for the monster he really was.

They would abandon him, and he didn't want them to leave him. It was selfish, Remus knew it, but he had friends, real friends this time and they were good and kind people and for once in his life, he didn't want to push them away because they were making him feel normal for once.

 _ **So stay away from me, the beast is ugly. I feel the rage and I just can't hold it.**_

-How clumsy can you be Rem', really? James sighs, patting Remus' shoulder. -Or maybe you need a bigger fireplace, mate.

-Not everyone lives in big-ass palaces James's, you prick. Sirius instantly replied, throwing him a pillow. -The one at Grimmauld's Place was rather small, yet mom manages to stuff both Reg' and me inside without us even touching the ground.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders at the odd looks the others gave him before smirking. -Hey, don't give me those pity looks, I never said I didn't take revenge, you know, muggles bathroom are a great invention but oh so easy to flood.

Everyone burst out laughing, and Remus was relief that the attention was taken away from him and his scars. Another month had passed and he could only hope that the next one would be quieter.

 _ **It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls, it comes awake and I can't control it**_

-I'm fine, Sirius just stop it already! Screamed a very tired and pale Remus as he was trying to run away from a very insisting Sirius who had been harassing him all day with his unceasing questions.

-No, you are not fine Rem' stop giving me that fucking crap I have enough of this! Sirius yelled back, catching him by the wrist as they had entered the Gryffindor's common room.

Without asking his permission, Sirius drags him along with him and pushed him inside their dormitory. He was rather strong for his age, and Remus was still small and frail for a twelve-year-old. -Stop it you're hurting me, you stupid git! Growled Remus, pushing Sirius away from him, rubbing his wrist, his skin red where he had held him.

-Sorry mate, but you wouldn't have followed me on your own, didn't think I had hurt you tho. Sirius said uncomfortably. -Let me see. He asked gently, but Remus stepped back a bit more and glared angrily at him.

-We need to talk Remus, this can't go on like this forever. James said as he had waited there for Sirius to bring Remus with him.

-And since you won't talk to us, well we'll do the talks. Peter added, sitting on his bed, not looking into Remus' eyes as he had spoken.

Remus' heart starts rasing in his chest as he turned around, looking at his three friends who were looking back at him with gravity. They were all there, staring at him like he was some kind of frightened animal. And he was. He was frightened and he was an animal, maybe they had found out? How? He had taken every possible precaution and his mother was indeed sick so, him visiting her every month wasn't so special, was it?

Or maybe, maybe they didn't know, they hadn't seen him at the Hospital wing, and they surely hadn't followed him outside with Madam Pomfrey on the full moon. So how? Or maybe they were about to talk to him about some insignificant thing? Maybe Sirius was angry because he took his favorite sweater the last day?

 _ **I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster**_

-You had some impressive new scars on your arms this time Rem' James said, raising an eyebrow as cold sweats were running on Remus' temples. -You okay, mate? We thought maybe you should talk to Pompom about that fever that never leaves.

\- How many times will I have to tell you that I'm fine! Remus said sharply, feeling the sweat dripping on his face like it was boiling water.

-It's over Rem' we had enough of this. Sirius said in a cold voice, turning around Remus, examining him, pushing away a lock of his already wet hair away front his forehead. -No more lies, no more excuses we aren't as stupid as you think we are, okay. Cut the crap; game over now, you tell us the truth.

 _ **I, I feel like a monster, I feel like a monster,  
My secret side I keep hid under lock and key I keep it caged but I can't control it, 'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down, Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?**_

-Fuck off, Sirius. Remus hissed, pushing him away a second time. The full moon was tonight, and he always had had difficulty controlling his temper in those times. The fever had taken his body already and he was more and more uncomfortable, like if his skin had shrunk on him, oppressing him, choking him. -I am... I'm sorry, Sirius... Remus adds with grin teeth after a while, ruffling his hair with a shaky hand.-I'm... I'm not feeling very well, I didn't want to yell at you.

-Why didn't you tell us earlier? Said James with a soft voice, coming forward to help his friend sit on his bed. -You don't have to do that Rem'.

-I'm sick, I'm gonna be okay, like all the other times, don't bother yourselves for a little cold. He sighs, trying to stop his hand from shaking, feeling his bones cracking every time he was moving his fingers.

-A little cold huh, said James, shaking his head before looking at Sirius. -He does think that we're that stupid.

-I think this like the grieving process you know, now he's in the denial phase even if the most obvious shit is in front of him. Sirius said to James, shrugging his shoulders before looking at Remus. -You don't feel so good, I'll tell Professor McGonagall you can't come to Transfiguration, I'm guessing she'll understand why.

Remus shook his head. -No, I'm fine, I'm gonna be fine... I'll leave tonight to see my mom and I need to attend all my classes since I'm not gonna be here for the whole day tomorrow.

 _ **I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I, I feel like a monster, I, I feel like a monster I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster, I, I feel like a monster**_

-We know you ain't going home tonight to see your mother, Rem'. Sirius told him.

-This seems worst then the other months, why? Is it because we can already see the moon in the sky? James asked, looking through the window at the tiny and pale globe that was suspended In the deep blue sky.

Remus froze as soon as James's word came out of his lips, feeling like if someone had thrown a bucket of icy water at him. They knew. _They knew his secret_. He shook his head letting out a sad laugh. Of course, they knew how could it be otherwise? Those boys were genius, _of course_ , they had figure out what was going on. He was away every freaking month at the full moon.

It was a miracle that he had managed to hide it from them for so long, but it was good the time it has lasted. Almost a full year of being normal, of having friends and learning stuff.

How of an idiot was he? How could he have thought this happiness could last? Would he be sent home? Well of course... _of course_ he was going to be sent home, no one would want to share their dormitory with someone who could rip their throat open in the night. They would reject him, maybe they would tell the others what was his true nature, how horrible and disgusting he was in reality and how he had deceived them, lied to them pretending to be human.

He clenched his teeth, feeling waves of nausea taking him as he tried to get on his feet. -Don't worry. He said, trying to control the lump in his throat. -I swear I can't harm you guys, I'll just... gather my stuff and be gone... he said with a broken voice.

-Be gone where exactly? Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow at him. -You ain't in no shape to go anywhere mate, stop being so stupid. He gently pushed him back on his bed, sitting next to him.

-Wh.. what? Remus said with a shaky voice, his eyes wide open and filled with tears, looking at both James and Sirius as Peter sat next to him. -You.. you don't want me to leave? But...

-Why would we want you to leave? James asked like he had said something extremely stupid.

 _ **It's hiding in the dark, its teeth are razor sharp There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart  
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster**_

-Because I.. I'm... I have.. the words wouldn't come out of Remus's mouth, because saying it out loud would be too much for him to bear at this very moment. The lump was still in his throat, and he couldn't control his voice nor his hands of shaking. He was a monster, and monsters didn't deserve to be loved or accepted.

-You have a _furry little problem_. James said, making Sirius burst out laughing. -Nothing we can't handle. He adds, winking at Remus. -It's like having a really bad behaving rabbit if you think about it.

-Is there a cure? Asked Peter, looking at them. -I know this kind of shit must be expensive but it's not like you didn't have money. He said toward James.

-There is no cure. Remus answered gloomily. -Believe me, if there would be one I would have taken it a long time ago, no matter how expensive it would be.

-I would have it right here if there were one. James said shaking his head. -But it doesn't exist, because people are too stupid for that.

-Maybe we can invent one, then? Sirius suggests.

-I know I love when there is some risk but we ain't gambling with Remus' life, this is too dangerous, maybe in a few years it would be possible. James said. -We need to get up with something efficient that would help him, right now.

-Maybe we could come off with something to ease his pain, don't you think? Said, Peter.

-Man, this is so much bullshit, this is horrible, why didn't you tell us, we could have helped you so much earlier! Said Sirius, slowly and gently rubbing Remus arm, holding his other hand.

-Let's not waste any more minute guys, tonight we'll go to the restricted section. No one will ever see us under the invisibility cloak. I won't rest until I find something, there is no way we can't do anything, failure isn't an option. Are you in Rem'? Is it okay with you?

 _ **I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster.**_

Remus nods, tears flooding his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands, not believing what was happening, not believing they still wanted to be his friends. He didn't know what to say to them. What could he say?

He had never felt this accepted in his entire life. Instead of pushing him away, they were looking for a way to help him, to ease his pain, wanting to walk with him through this nightmare so he wouldn't feel alone. They were beside him still, not looking afraid and without doubts in their eyes.

Were he thought they would have called him a beast, yelling at him to get away they had told him to stay put, that he was in no condition to get up, they were no pity in their eyes, only determination and love he thought he didn't deserve because of what he was.

-Maybe it would take some time, but we'll figure out something, don't you worry. Sirius said softly.

-How long... since how long did you know? Asked Remus after a while, whipping the tears away with his sleeve, his fingers curled into an odd way as they were hurting him.

-Well, a while now mate. James said, messing up his hair with embarrassment. -We thought you would open up to us first, but seeing you know being so afraid I understand why you didn't.

 _ **I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin, I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun, I must confess that I feel like a monster**_

Nodding again, whipping some other tears, Remus smiled at them, not knowing what to say, wanting to hug them, wanting to scream to the world how warm he felt right now, how happy he was. This was incredible, how could it be?

He let out a laugh and immediately regrets it, the bones in his cheeks were on the edge of breaking, the sweat mixing up with the tears as his organs painfully twisted inside of him.

-You're going to be sick, come. James said, bringing Remus to the bathroom, getting out to close the door behind him, slipping against it, closing his eyes. -This is awful. Worst of it is we can't do anything to help him right now.

-Some months are harder than others, I think. Sirius whispered to James, Peter frowning with disgust as all they could heard was poor Remus vomiting everything he seems to have eaten.

-We need to figure out something, if only we could stay with him a bit longer, maybe we could understand a thing or two. How's that shit working? Sigh Sirius with annoyment

-If he bites or scratched us, we are doom, but what's our range? Is it already dangerous or only if he's in full form?

-Does the moon had to be clear in the sky or is he gonna transform even if it's hiding? Sirius added, grabbing his hair with his two hands. -Think... think you stupid git, how good it is to be a fucking genius if it's only for pranks and stupid school stuff!

-Maybe we could sneak into, wherever they kept him on those nights and watch? We ain't gonna learn anything useful in books since people are too afraid of them to pay attention.

-Honestly, guys, this is the worst idea you could possibly have come up with. Squicked Peter. -I love Remus, and you know it, but I don't really want to end up in tartar. He said, frowning a bit more. -Or ended up... spending every month with him, like him, like a … like an …

 _ **I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin I must confess that I feel like a monster  
I've gotta lose control, here's something radical I must confess that I feel like a monster**_

-Animal... James whispered, briskly raising his head, almost knocking away his glasses. -This is it! Pet' you are awesome! He screamed, jumping up on his feet to an intrigued Sirius.

Getting out of the bathroom with a wet towel around his neck Remus was so pale his skin looks like a thin sheet of paper, his fingers still curled into an odd shape, looking like claws. He let out a scream of surprise mixed with pain when James took him by the shoulder, grinning ear to ear.

-I know how we're gonna do it, but you'll have to be patient a bit longer Rem'. He said to him.

-What? He asked still shocked, looking around at his other two friends who didn't seem to understand a word of what James was saying.

-This is the best thing we can do! I know that even if we get bitting or scratch it would not affect us, because they can't infect other animals! James continued. -It would be hard, probably the most dangerous things we would ever do, but it worth it a billion times.

Sirius suddenly open wide eyes, not believing what James was actually suggesting. -Animagi. He then says as James yelled a loud and triumphing ''yes'''. -We are going to become Animagi. James this is brilliant! Remus would never ever have to be alone again on full moons!

Shocked with the news, still shocked about everything that happened in the last hour, Remus could only stare at them without blinking, his golden eyes going from a scared Peter to an over-enthusiastic James and a grinning Sirius.  
Maybe, he wasn't the monster he thought he was after all.

 _ **I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster I, I feel like a monster**_


End file.
